The first time I drank you, you tasted so fine,
A nice warm glow, that feeling inside.
I thought it was good, I felt so alive,
Confident, brave and very much liked.
I threw my self-doubt out of the door,
here comes Jenni, you knew I’d want more.
You were there for me through good times and bad,
celebrating life when happy, drowning me when sad.
I had a bad marriage, you were there when I was blue,
just one more drink, what harm could it do?
This was just the beginning of that self-destruction,
You hung around waiting for me to push that button.
I pushed you away when life was so good,
cursing, baiting me, in the corner you stood.
Then one day you got what you wanted,
I pushed the button, here came my self-destruction.
I didn’t feel needed, wanted or liked,
but I didn’t care, I had you by my side.
On and on I continued to drink,
pushing people away, I didn’t care or think.
That’s what you loved; me crumbling away,
Knowing that I’d be dead one day.
I lay there feeling no self-worth, hatred of life,
myself and the drink.
Out came the tablets, they’d make it stop,
you were rubbing your hands, waiting for me to finally drop.
It then came to me, what the hell was I doing,
I couldn’t let you win and bring me to ruin.
I looked up to god and prayed so hard,
please let me live, I’ll try so hard.
So now here I am, braver and stronger,
people behind me, I need you no longer.
My fingers to you are up in the air,
I no longer want you, I’ve realised people do care.